


Swallowing my pride

by Sparklefists



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Genre: Based on a Taylor Swift Song, M/M, Post-Break Up, Prideshipping, Songfic, There's A Tag For That, no knowledge of - or interest in - Taylor Swift is required, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-04-16
Packaged: 2018-06-02 15:43:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6572089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sparklefists/pseuds/Sparklefists
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seto's realised the mistake he's made. He'd go back and change his own mind if he could, but he can't. So he has to swallow his pride and try to make it right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Swallowing my pride

“I’m glad you made time to see me.” Seto’s tone is clipped, almost harsh, and he internally winces. It’s not a strong opener. He can see Atem’s eyes narrow slightly. “How’s Yugi?”

That catches Atem off-guard, and Seto has thought of him as an opponent for long enough for him to instinctively feel pleased by the hesitation. But Yugi is Atem’s family, and Seto knows none of this will work unless he proves he understands what’s important to Atem. He hasn’t seen Yugi in a while.

“Yugi is well.” Atem’s voice matches Seto’s; clipped and defensive.

“And you?” Small talk has never been Seto’s forte, he finds himself casting around for the words.

“Busier than ever.” Atem crosses his arms. They’re standing in Seto’s office. Seto feels like they should be in a cafe or something, somewhere casual, but he had no idea how to make that happen. “Yugi and I are still dueling, he’s started his degree in game theory, I’m designing games … but KaibaCorp knows that.”

Seto nods, his jaw tense, his arms stiff by his sides.

Atem continues, eyeing him almost suspiciously. “I’ve been good.”

Seto wonders if that’s a slight; that Atem’s been good without him … then he wonders if that kind of anxiety is exactly what caused the problem in the first place … and then he realises Atem is looking at him, eyebrows raised, waiting for Seto to say something. Anything. 

“It’s been cold.”

Atem’s eyebrows rise even higher. Seto Kaiba is talking about the weather.

“It _is_ autumn.”

“Colder than last year, like it's winter.”

“Is it?” Atem’s voice is definitely sharp now, he almost bites the words out. Winter. Last December. That was when it happened. As if Seto could forget.

“Listen.” Seto starts, and his voice is tight, he can see Atem’s arms tightening defensively across his chest.

Seto knows why Atem’s guard is up. The last time Atem saw him must be burned in his mind; Atem, the eternal romantic, brought roses, and Seto left them there to die.

“I go back to December all the time.”

“… What?”

It turns out freedom wasn’t what he’d wanted. He thought he wanted to be free, that Atem was holding him back. But freedom just meant missing Atem. He’d begun to wish he’d realised what he’d had when Atem was his.

“I mean…”

He hasn’t been sleeping. Ever since Atem’s so-called “birthday”; the anniversary of the day Atem had decided to stay instead of moving on to the afterlife. They were all supposed to meet, everyone who had been there that day. Yugi had left a message, but Seto never called.

Then he’d thought about summer a lot. That was when they had started spending a lot of time together; after Atem decided to stay. He remembered Atem laughing in the passenger seat of his car; Atem actually understood his rather ruthless sense of humour, his snark. Most people looked outraged when Seto Kaiba made what he thought was a joke, but Atem actually laughed, and when they were alone, Atem laughed beautifully.

It was the fall when he realised he loved Atem. He had suppressed the thought. He didn’t stop seeing him.

Then the cold came, the dark days, when fear crept into his mind. He couldn’t love someone, he couldn’t afford it. It was the one thing Seto Kaiba couldn’t afford; someone who might make him weak, make him unable to prioritise Mokuba, make him forget his goals. He was afraid and he pushed back, he pushed away, and on that December night when Atem met him with a hopeful look and a bunch of roses, giving him his love, Seto gave him nothing but goodbye.

Atem is staring at him, waiting for him to clarify. Not just his rather cryptic statement; his invitation to come at all, his reason for standing in front of Atem. Seto swallows his pride and blurts out.

“I go back to December to change my own mind.”

“I thought you didn’t credit the past.” Atem’s answer is quick and wary.

Seto takes a deep breath, once again finding himself back at that December night with Atem’s garnet eyes fixed on him, anxious and searching. This time he has to make the right choice.

“I miss you.” Your tanned skin, your sweet smile, how you’re so good to me, how right it feels to be with you. That September night you put your arms around me, the first time you ever saw me cry.

Atem looks taken aback, his breath catches audibly, he obviously didn’t expect Seto to be so forthcoming, honest. Seto grimaces and continues, unable to keep his voice from getting sharp; he sounds almost snappish.

“Maybe this is wishful thinking. Probably mindless dreaming. But if you gave me another chance, I swear I’d do it right. I’d go back and change it, but I can’t. So I understand if the chain is on your door. But … I go back to December all the time.”

It’s the first and only time Seto has allowed himself to dwell in the past, and he can see that Atem can understand the magnitude of his admission in the way his eyes widen. Atem always understood him, too well.

This is closest he can come to saying sorry for that night and he holds his breath as Atem meets his eyes.

Atem is tense, a slight, slender figure wound tight … and then he’s closing the distance between him, uncrossing his arms to grab the lapels of Seto’s suit instead, and dragging him in for a second first kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> This is, if you're not familiar with the works of Taylor Swift, based on her song Back To December. It just seemed like such a Kaiba situation to be in. (It helps that the Generic Cranky-Looking Tall White Man Taylor Swift Love Interest actually kinda looks like white!Kaiba, although he's playing the opposite part than he is in the fic.)


End file.
